July In March Part Two - Shut the F*ck Up When I'm Talking to You

For those of you that have been paying attention, you know that I've dedicated this week's blog posts to Miss Late July and you also know that the aforementioned artist is an amazing singer/songwriter who lives with a nude newscaster. Really, that last point isn't critical towards my argument but I mean, come on, I don't need an excuse to put hot chicks on this blog. Late July (née Nicole Simone) is releasing her new album, Hospital Quiet tonight and will be having a release party at The Painted Lady in Toronto. As I live about 570 miles 913 kilometers away, I won't be making it to the shindig but I can give her the free press of a review. If you're unaware, that's a big deal. This blog is read by, literally, tens of people!

July In March Part One

On Wednesday Miss Late July is releasing her new album, Hospital Quiet, and I decided that since I'm too far away to buy her vegan cupcakes for congratulations, I'd dedicate all three blog posts this week to her awesome music. We'll start with a quick what's what of the special Who.

1. Claims to be originally from California but, as you'll see later, I believe she's from Galiffrey.
2. Currently resides in Toronto.
3. Vegan, loves dogs.
4. Has referred to her music on more than one occasion as 'Sadcore'. Don't worry, I had to Google it too. 
5. Lives with this girl (<--- probably NSFW) in an apartment they've christened Fort Dork.  

I don't think either one of them would accept a marriage proposal via e-mail or Twitter, but I understand where you're coming from. Now, on to the music!

Yeah, Right

You know that movie you only started watching because Showtime said that there were boobies in it, but then changed the channel after 10 minutes because you still hadn't seen said boobies? This is that movie. You're probably searching the world for something to complete you, but have yet to find it so you watch old sitcom reruns on one of those channels for women. I started watching this movie 15 years ago, quite literally, because of that Showtime warning and finished watching it just a few weeks ago because something was missing from my life it's frakking great. 

Egads!

Before I get into this review, I feel compelled to mention something: The Aussie trying to speak like an Alabama native was, quite possibly, the dumbest idea in cinema history. Except for casting Judge Reinhold as a Black Ops officer in "Project: Human Weapon". Peter Jackson set the bar pretty high for Australian filmmakers, so it's only natural that I compare what could be done, with what is actually done. Unfortunately, I found this effort... lacking.

If You've Ever Wondered, This Is Why I'm So Critical of Americans



I've been a little out of touch lately. I spent all day last Friday pissing and moaning about not feeling well, most of the weekend hanging with my wife, and all day Sunday driving to a hotel for a business trip. When I got to my hotel room I thought I'd take a quick look and see what I had missed in the world. I was not pleased by what greeted me.

Their Five Year Mission: To Explore Strange New Foibles...

I don't have time for a full post today, because I will be spending it with The Lady. While it's true that Mrs. Attack Resistance and I have only been married since August, we are celebrating the fifth anniversary of our first date today. Five years and two days ago today I went to her house in the early morning and drank copious amounts of coffee (despite the fact that I worked on night shift and I'm not much of a coffee drinker) after I got off work. Five years and one day ago I didn't sleep at all and struggled through an 11 hour shift in a warehouse using nothing but my willpower (amplified by the +5 socks I was wearing) and a few successful luck checks to survive. Five years ago today I went out and drank green beer that tasted terrible and talked about how much Creed and Nickelback suck with the woman who would become my wife. It was amazing. So! Since you've all been good boys and girls, I give you this funny video I made several years ago with some friends:

I Love You Mrs. Attack Resistance. Now.

“In A Mad World, Only the Mad are Sane.”

So you know how, over the last few weeks, I've made two or three posts about how awful humanity is on the whole, and how great it is when we get our shit together? Well, Dear Readers, now is your chance to prove me wrong on the first one, and prove me right on the second (everyone wins!). See, Japan needs your help. Mother Nature has recently taken a very large, very violent dump on this beautiful island nation and the Japanese people are in rough shape.

Making the Case for the Final Frontier

As NASA prepares to mothball the 30 year-old shuttle program, I want to take some time to say farewell to one of humanity's greatest achievements and possibly make some sarcastic remarks about related and non-related things. To start with, I am a huge fan of NASA, the ISS ISS, comet-violating space probes, and mankind expanding into the vast blackness of space in general. When I say, '...vast blackness...' I really mean it. I believe the late, great Douglas Adams said it best:

“Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the drug store, but that's just peanuts to space.”

 This comes from a guy who stretched a trilogy into six books, so you know it's legit.

Spring Time Haiku

Returning Starlings

Fill the trees like so many

Black necrotic leaves

We've Come So Far

Ever since Marvel announced they were going to make an Avengers movie, every fanboy and girl out there has been talking about a JLA flick. Well kids, I'm here to tell ya, it ain't gonna happen. The guys over at DC will tell you that they think a JLA movie is unnecessary because their characters are so much larger than life that they don't need to mix up the individual properties to achieve geek success. I cal bullshit on that. Wanna know why? Because they've already been down the JLA road before (twice, technically), and it was a bumpy ride.

OH MY GOD!!!

Photos: "Zombie" Ants Found With New Mind-Control Fungi

Seriously, Mother Nature, what the hell?!

This Is Your Fault

I'm not really sure what happened, Dear Readers, but I didn't watch any bad movies this week. I didn't try any unusual colas from another country (or, in Moxie's case, another country within a country) and I didn't play any video games I care to talk about. What. The. Fuck? Over. So, what are we going to about this? Are we going to have a discussion on the Middle East problem? Will we talk about gas prices? How about that chicken bone I saw in a freezer at my local Kroger store?

Oh, the Humanity!

I have made my disdain for most people very clear. In fact, save you Dear Readers, I could probably accurately state that I don't like most people or things. It's not that I'm a complete asshole (although I can think of a woman or two that could make a strong argument for that), it's just that I really can't stand ignorance. Humans tend toward really awful and/or stupid things. Here are three examples of awful things, and an example of the stupidest thing I think we've produced thus far:

1. This
2. That
3. The Other
4. Fucking Stupid

As with most things in life, this thought was best said in a movie. In 1997 Tommy Lee Jones starred in a movie called  Men In Black and he had one of the best lines about humanity ever:

A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it. Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat, and fifteen minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.

I Want To Like You

Let's get some [FULL DISCLOSURE] out of the way: I was born, and spent a lot of my youth, in Louisville, KY and it was very cool to see a movie shot there (last one I can think of was The Insider), so I was unfairly biased towards liking this movie from the very beginning. Also, I LOVE Zombie Flicks. See how I capitalized Zombie Flick? Look, I did it again! Additionally, I've reviewed this movie once before, a few years ago, and I gave it a rather scathing review. Now I've watched it again and have a slightly different take. For those of you that bother reading the original review (no link, go find it your damned self!), you'll notice that the core of the piece is intact. I just softened the edges and added some fluff. Just for you. This movie has a great poster, literally the best title for a Zombie Flick ever, and it was filmed in my adopted home town. How could it be anything other than good?