Friday, October 26, 2012

The World Almost Ended Just Now

As the nine of you that read this blog know, I have a strong attachment to this new, living creature known as Teh Interwebz. The Internet allows us to communicate with people thousands of miles away in real time, watch as we land rovers on Mars, and of course, take pictures of our food to show to our friends. So if something should ever happen to this now indispensable facet of our day to day life the impact would be felt immediately, right? Right. That's why, today, I blew a fucking gasket.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Dear Felix Baumgartner

Dear Felix Baumgartner,

You, sir, are the very definition of a BAMF.

For those of you that don’t know who Mr. Baumgartner is, let me break it down for you: In 1960 Colonel Joseph Kittinger, former command pilot for the USAF (and surviving Vietnam War POW) participated in Project Excelsior which was designed to test the chances of a successful high altitude bail out and what affect they could/would have on the human body. This qualifies him as Felix’s BAMF Father. At the time of Col. Kittinger’s jump there were no fancy pressurized capsules, ultra-accurate sensors, or even energy drinks. Wearing a pressure suit and several layers of clothing that doubled his weight, and having absolutely no idea what would happen to his body at those altitudes and speeds, Colonel Joseph Kittinger stepped out of an open air gondola… and vanished. He awoke to find himself trapped in the past. His highest altitude was recorded as 19.47 miles, his free fall lasted for 4 minutes, 36 seconds, and he achieved a speed of ~614 MPH (that’s 9/10ths of mach, donchaknow). He landed safely in the New Mexico desert. That’s pretty amazing, right? Right. So let’s beat that record.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

He's A Funny (looking) Guy

Some time ago a friend of mine and I decided that we were going to bite the bullet, face our fears, cross off a bucket list item, and some other tired phrase and try our hand at stand up comedy. We both love the format to no end and are moderately amusing to people when we're at parties. Long story short: He did it several times and I did not. I went to see his first performance and watched in awe as his first three jokes bombed like Enola Gay. His fourth joke involved him having a giant cock and Richard Simmons and, as such, was met with great peals of laughter. He is much more of a badass than me. These are facts and I can't explain it. However, I did actually write up some material and I might have practiced it in the mirror a few times. Found them today and thought I'd share with you. Because I love you, Dear Readers, that's why [Editor's note: These are unedited and you'll get to see some notes I gave myself along the way].