Gurl Nerdz R00l!

You know what is really, really awesome? Funny chicks. You know what's even more awesome than that? Funny chicks that play the ukulele and the flute. That's what you get when you listen to Garfunkel and Oates, the comedy duo that has taken YouTube by storm and has recently released a new album All Over Your Face. There are ten tracks here, and most are two and a half minutes or less although the tune This Party Just Took A Turn for the Douche (which might just be their Yesterday), runs just shy of four minutes. If you've known about them for a while (you're probably a liar) then you'll recognize four songs from their previous album Music Songs that have been polished up in the studio a bit and re-released to great effect. If you think I'm going to sit here and take the time to tell you about this album track by track, then you'd be right. *exasperated sigh*

1. You, Me, and Steve - One is forced to assume that one or both of these ladies has had the unfortunate experience of dating a guy who preferred the company and genitalia of other guys (and, really, that's okay) as it is a common theme throughout the rest of the album. Here we have a wonderful ditty about blossoming relationship hampered by the constant presence of Steve, the beau's possible gay lover.
2. Weed Card - This song is destined to become an anthem within the nerdy/funny/smart girl community. Of course, given that Garfunkel and Oates comprise 6% (that's scientific fact) of all known nerdy/funny/smart girls that may not be a big deal. Still, funny song that reminds me of Doug Benson's Super High Me.
3. Pregnant Women are Smug - I literally scared the piss out of my dog the first time I listened to this song. This line: "Bitch, I don't really care!" made me bust out laughing so hard that my dog shot out of the room in fear, leaving a small puddle behind. Bravo, ladies, bravo.
4. Gay Boyfriend - Another piece of evidence that one or both of the duo have dated a gay man (not that there's anything wrong with that). It extols the wonders of being in a relationship with a guy who thinks like a girl. Also, I like the hand clapping.
5. Fuck You - I think it's funny that iTunes shows the title of this song as F**k You and is the only track that is explicitly noted as being explicit. In the song (which features a rockin' flute solo) a misunderstanding between two people about what they want from the other leads us down a path that could result in rape, fisting, and murder. Imagine what would happen to the moral fiber of this country if iTunes actually displayed Fuck You in their menus. Lions would lay with lambs, I'm sure of it! Thanks Steve Jobs, you've saved us again.
6. Sex With Ducks - A woman in love with a duck is a beautiful thing. Brilliantly lambasting the common argument of the Christian Right (that is to say, gay marriage will lead to bestiality), this song imagines what the singers would do if they were right. I'm genuinely amazed by the amount of duck love innuendos they came up with, and the sincerity with which they sang them. Good stuff. Oh, if you're interested, the real consequences of gay marriage can be found here.
7. This Party Just Took A Turn for the Douche - I can't add much to this, you just need to see and hear it:
   
   Anyone that can link Jim Croce, Norman Mailer, and Bernie Madoff in under four minutes is amazeballs.
   
   
8. Running With Chicken - Honestly? I've got no clue what's going on with this song. I think they're trying to tell me that, on the whole, Americans are fat and use food as an emotional crutch because we've given our souls to our corporate masters and can't think of a way to escape. Or, they got high one night and wrote a song about eating chicken. Your call.
9. One Night Stand - A tale of passionate conquest and sexual exploration, only this time it's the chick who is the sonuvabitch that never calls back! If Mrs. Attack Resistance had heard this song before we got married, I'd probably be single. Too late now!
10. Places to Rest - The final song of the album is not funny. I don't mean that as a bad thing. It's actually a (bitter) sweet love song about a relationship that simply isn't going to work and the peace of mind you can attain if you just go with it and enjoy the good sex for a while. This track really highlights the ability of the pair to write songs (not that I don't appreciate a good tune about fucking farm animals [pro tip: webbed feet hurt when they slap the balls] or douchebags) and be semi-serious.

There you have it, Dear Readers, the track-by-track review of the funniest album that you're going to hear this year. You're welcome.

Go buy this album. Now.