Gravity Is Just A Theory

Here's a story I wrote shortly after I got back from a very relaxing vacation in Maine. It was actually the day after my wedding anniversary so I was relaxed, content, and ecstatic that I had managed to trick Mrs. Attack Resistance into staying around as long as she has. For those that believe this story is some sort of contrived play on actual events in order to create a humorous situation out of my banal life (you mean you didn't believe my chicken truck story?!) I have provided photographic evidence at the end. You're welcome.

Repeat After Me: Radiation Will Not Give Me Superpowers. It Will Kill Me.

When I was eighteen years old I was bitten by a spider. At first I thought it was going to be the greatest event of my young life; I had spent nearly two decades idolizing Stan Lee's Friendly Neighboorhood Superhero so you can only imagine how excited I was. Super strength, 6th sense, sticking to walls and such, they were all going to be mine! Two days later there were violent looking red streaks in my legs where the spider goodness venom was wreaking havoc in my cardiovascular system and a day after that a painful swelling in my genitals forced me to hobble into a doctor's office to receive treatment (consisting of anti-goodness venom pills and a steroid pill that was about the size of a golf ball).

Upstart Programmers from Maryland Reboot A Venerable Game Series...

After I played this game for about an hour I decided that it could have just as easily been titled OblivionShock. The heritage of this game is so blatantly obvious that anyone who has played video games in the last 5 years could instantly spot homages, allusions, and outright thievery from a dozen games or more. Somehow, I don't mean this as a bad thing.

While it's clear that Bethesda Softworks (a Zenimax Media Company) used the exact same engine as they did in one of my favorite games (Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion) and were very heavily influenced by the 2K Games 2007 release BioShock (both feature the ability to craft new weapons from scrap, a 50s kitsch theme, and a wonderfully retro soundtrack) you should not make the mistake of thinking that this game cannot stand on it's own two legs.